FATHER KNOWS BEST...NOT ALWAYS.

I am amazed at how easy it is to get so caught up in my life that I expect everyone should surely see the world as I do, I mean after all it is so crystal clear. Right?

It's really amusing, because I get this with other people, that is, I really don't expect them to see the world as I do and I even allow them this luxury of looking at the world with a different set of...what is it... a different set of rules? No, maybe priorities and values.

I allow them this and in most cases don't try to force my values on them. I am generally gentle with my language and my demeanor, even to the point of owning what I believe as a belief of mine, not as the "truth." Which is what I believe the majority of people do, that is when they speak about how they see the world, they say, "The world is like this." not "I think the world is like this."

But to a couple of people, I am not quite so charitable. I get so caught up in being right that I force feed my view of the world to them and bend them forcefully to go along, willing or not. This couple is my sons, Preston and Random.

Tonight was another version of this as I laid into them with my expectations of them and how they were letting me down and even more they were letting themselves down. Later when i had cooled down, but was still berating my eldest, he confronted me.

He shared how he felt - about the fear he had that he was not living up to the detailed expectations I had of him. How this made him worried about when I would get home and what he had not done right, sometimes to the point that he did not want me to come home.

Sounds like someone needs an attitude adjustment, namely me.

I think what courage this took for him to be so honest with me. I think what clarity he had to speak so truthfully of his feelings. And I think of his ability to own this as his reactions so that I did not feel attacked.

It hurt to know that my son was afraid of my return home. It hurt to know that I caused my son this stress. And it made me so much closer to him, knowing he has the maturity and courage to say these things to me. I want to believe that part of this is due to the father he has.

In order to grow, we need to be able to hear the tough bits and feel the pain these cause -- to ourself and to others. And we need the people in our lives to say these tough things to us, out of love.

I am so amazed at the depth of my son at 15. Something shifted in me in this conversation and I want to create a new way of being with him and his brother. And of this new way of being, I am not sure what it looks like, but I think it will take all 3 of us to define it. Each asking himself, "What do I want? For myself? From my son? From my dad? From my brother?" and "What am I willing to give?"

Something in me cries tonight, but it is a good cry - not a cry of recrimination and shame. Just a cry of sadness, that I did not see this sooner and that I caused pain to someone I love so much.

Germans say, "So ist das lieben." Such is life. And I think this sums it up. We try our best and we make mistakes. If we are willing to listen, we can make changes and become something more, something better than we were before. And sometimes this growth comes through pain.

I am a lucky man to have a son to show me this.