Being alone in a foreign city can be daunting. Normally I have found this great sense of adventure, but that was my holiday visits not beginning a new life. There is this strange mix of new yet familair here. I get up, I shave, I shower, I dress in my business casual and go to work. Nothing new. But work is new, a new company, a new role, and people from over 25 countries mix with me. Familiar yet not.
I ride my bike to and from work. I've ridden a bike before, but never as my main transport. I think I have owned a car since right after my sophomore year in high school when I turned 16. And with the exception of a couple of years in college, have not been auto-wheel-less for even a day. I am more connected to my neighborhood and outdoors - familiar, but new.
Here in Munchen, the newness, the aloneness surrounds me, reminding me I am an "auslander" - a foreigner to my German neighbors whose language I cannot even begin to comprehend in any manner fitting a conversation. I yearn for the familiar and in this yearning turn to my pc for something that is in my language, my world - even if it sits in a tiny box in a tiny apartment in this foreign world.
And so over the weeks, I have been watching Dexter - a tv show about a loveable serial killer - yes I did say that correctly. Watch it yourself if you dont believe me. Before I left the USA I downloaded the entire season one onto my computer and in the absence of all that is familiar, I watch Dexter - pretty much every night. I must have seen season one so many times that I can act along with the characters.
One night it dawned on me that I had been sleeping with Dexter for about a month - falling asleep as an episode plays. And suddenly I realized how alike we were - Dexter and I, both living in a world yet in many ways disconnected.
Dexter says in the opening of episode four, "I find people around me are making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications; commitment, sharing, driving people to the airport. Besides if I let someone get that close, they'd see who I really am and I can't let that happen. So time to put on my mask."
Sometimes I feel this way too and not only in Munchen. I am not sure what this means, I just find it odd and interesting that this is who I choose to fall asleep with. Sure it may be coincidence, but I prefer to think the universe works in intentional ways, odd and interesting, but intentional.
At least I have not killed anyone.
I ride my bike to and from work. I've ridden a bike before, but never as my main transport. I think I have owned a car since right after my sophomore year in high school when I turned 16. And with the exception of a couple of years in college, have not been auto-wheel-less for even a day. I am more connected to my neighborhood and outdoors - familiar, but new.
Here in Munchen, the newness, the aloneness surrounds me, reminding me I am an "auslander" - a foreigner to my German neighbors whose language I cannot even begin to comprehend in any manner fitting a conversation. I yearn for the familiar and in this yearning turn to my pc for something that is in my language, my world - even if it sits in a tiny box in a tiny apartment in this foreign world.
And so over the weeks, I have been watching Dexter - a tv show about a loveable serial killer - yes I did say that correctly. Watch it yourself if you dont believe me. Before I left the USA I downloaded the entire season one onto my computer and in the absence of all that is familiar, I watch Dexter - pretty much every night. I must have seen season one so many times that I can act along with the characters.One night it dawned on me that I had been sleeping with Dexter for about a month - falling asleep as an episode plays. And suddenly I realized how alike we were - Dexter and I, both living in a world yet in many ways disconnected.
Dexter says in the opening of episode four, "I find people around me are making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications; commitment, sharing, driving people to the airport. Besides if I let someone get that close, they'd see who I really am and I can't let that happen. So time to put on my mask."
Sometimes I feel this way too and not only in Munchen. I am not sure what this means, I just find it odd and interesting that this is who I choose to fall asleep with. Sure it may be coincidence, but I prefer to think the universe works in intentional ways, odd and interesting, but intentional.
At least I have not killed anyone.
2 comments :
Amen to the messy complications! So scary that someone who finds it OK to kill others wouldn't want to face them. It's sooooo haaaaard!
Michael, keep writing - love the variety in the topics.
Hello from Boulder,
-- Jorge
I love your blog, and I'm "dying" to see Dexter!
Miss you,
Tanya : )
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