It was a long walk, but a rather easy one compared to other days with smaller climbs and descends. I left early and alone, giving me a lot of time to think thru why I came and my hopes and prayers for myself and others.
A special gift today came 150 ft after I was getting tired and needed a break, and needed water and a fountain i just passed warned water may not be potable. I decided to stop at the next flat surface I could sit on. Another Camino miracle was just steps ahead.
It's always a little sad at the end, saying goodbye to friends you have made.
This is my second goodbye on this trip as I transferred from one walk to another (del Norte to Primitivo). The friends shape the walk as much as the geography, as one tends to form trail families. Spending so much time together; walking, stopping to eat, arriving in early afternoon and relaxing thru the day and evening meals, you share many stories, happy, sad, silly, tragic, superficial and deep.
The intimacy and friendships grow fast and being the Camino, with many reasons people come there is an openness that often happens quickly. I joked one time with a pilgrim friend who brought me a cerveza (beer) without lemon (radler/ cerveza con limon), that he should have known better, thinking we had been together for days and then realizing it had only been a day and a half.
Even after leaving the north Camino, I continued to text and follow Camino friends there. You hear so many tales of of loss (jobs, spouse, death, addiction) and searching (new lives, new work, new perspective) that it's hard not to grow close. On this walk I got bad news in the morning that sent me spiraling through feelings and it was a Camino friend who helped me access the deep root of sadness, by just asking me if I was OK. This ultimately led me to a level of peace that allowed me to continue and be present for the rest of my days.
We joked that Camino might be a bit like childbirth. That you have moments of incredible stress, exertion and pain, that quickly after becomes overshadowed by brilliant landscape and shared triumph, that we want to return.
I think back to my first week, when I thought about leaving, struggling with the physical intensity and some loneliness. I knew I had to stick with it for at least two weeks... maybe a good lesson on life about not giving in too soon. This dissipated as my body and friendships grew stronger. No matter how strong we are, there will always be ups and downs, that we can power thru much easier with comrades.
I came because I felt that I had been shrinking in my life, feeling more aloof and disconnected from friends and life since covid, replacing relationships with screens and distractions. And here I found the time to go deep with long meditative walks and time to go deep socially. I found again the simple joy of playing games like cards, that is fun and playful that also creates an atmosphere to make conversations flow.
This is why I Camino, to step outside of my everyday life, to create space to listen more deeply to myself without lists of to-dos, and endless distractions that waste my precious time, to challenge and feed my body with exercise, as important as food, that so many of us forget in the daily busy-ness/ business of our lives.
It is easy for me to become lazy and say, "I'll start tomorrow. " this leads me often to thinking I don't have the level of discipline I need, but The Camino proves this wrong. Of course, the fact that that many times I simply can't stop for miles as there is no place to do so. But I think a deeper truth is that I simply start each day with a planned destination and simply plod on until there, and this could happen in my world at home.
There is a tradition on the Camino of carrying a stone (or many) for the entire walk representing a burden or struggle or wish or prayer for oneself or others. I carried stones for my struggles and past grief and regrets, for my sons, for my mother, for friends who are struggling and these brought me many times to deeper feelings and tears, that I can easily cover up and distract in my life at home.
The Camino makes all of this easier, than something like the Appalachian Trail, as I don't need to plan for weeks just a day and I have a bed every day. This is something really anyone can do, as there are even tour plans that will transport your belongings between towns, allowing you to just walk with a small pack of food and water.
But even simpler, I think the fact that I have only one decision to make here (what is my destination), compared to my life full of so many things to do, like too many channels on the TV, you can't decide what to watch, is one of the most powerful gifts of the Camino. Freeing myself to be more present and escape my life; the responsibilities, the distractions, the habits good and bad, etc.
The caminos in Spain are also wonderful because of the well marked and diverse trails and low cost. Meals and food are quitecheap here, whether in grocery stores or restaurants with daily menus from $11-$15 for two course meal + wine +bread + dessert. Lodging ranged from $0 (donation which would include dinner and breakfast) to $5 - $15 for a bed in alburgue/ hostile, to $20 - $50 for private rooms or hotels. Of course you could spend more on either of these areas.
My estimates of costs per day:
Meals/ snacks $20
Lodging $25
This adds up to $1350 for my one month trip. And this is having a few expensive meals and a few nicer accommodations.
I find much peace and lesson on the Camino. And something I saw once in graffiti I always carry with me iamnowhere. Often when I feel a bit lost, i am no where, the first step can be a simple shift in attitude to realizing this is just another step in a much longer Camino, I am now here.
So as I sit on a bus, a little sad, a little lonely, I reflect on the laughter, the tears; sometimes for me, sometimes for others, the jokes, the games, the beers with limon, the struggles up and the struggles down, the frustration and the miracles of another Camino and realize, iamnowhere.
My wish for you...may you also find a way to step outside of your life.
❤️ Cowboy Pilgrim
2 comments :
You made it! I enjoyed reading your posts, especially this last one. So profound. I’m proud of you, and I hope that you are proud of you too.
Michael....it's Sherrie & Rey!! Congrats on completing your walks. Amazing job and I've loved reading your blog. Travel safe. See you soon!
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